I keep seeing all of these ads for weight loss products, systems, procedures, etc. The pièce de résistance is always the before and after pics that try sell us on the projected success we could claim for ourselves, if only we used their products. It got me to thinking... What would be depicted in my before and after images if I were to illustrate my progress?I wish I had some sort of symbolic gynormous pant icon to tote around with the new and improved version of me to earn the accolades. I wish I could have charted my success in any one given element of my life and feel productive. Be my own spokesman for whatever challenge I have overcome.
{Two days ago, I was diagnosed with A.D.D. – that sounds about right. My inability to finish any project that I begin, to be flooded with endless ideas for small businesses that I'd like to start, stories I'd like to write... It feels like the Hitchcockian "Push/Pull," zooming in, while simultaneously rolling the camera backwards, away from the protagonist. (Am I my own protagonist?) I *appear* to be moving forward, but is it all an optical illusion?}
My transition was supposed to be my breakthrough, my arrival on the other side. Not the other side of the gender spectrum, but the other side of paralysis/inertia towards the kinetic momentum of my own self-development. "Becoming myself." (Which I know sounds odd, as we are always ourselves, but...)
I am wishing I opted to take physics in high school, rather than choosing more art classes, since I don't remember how this kinetic energy thing works. Any ideas?
There was a sign at the Post Office in my neighborhood with the word "endurance" emblazoned over the image of an old timey athlete from the 1940s. I began wondering: What in my life has ever required endurance or perseverance? I think I have a habit of giving up quickly. Quitting before I begin. Maybe it's a fear of success. A fear of failure. The A.D.D. Maybe those particular things weren't worth the effort. But it still made me wonder: What is it that I am working towards? If I am enduring all of the challenges that have surfaced in this lifetime, than what do I hope will become of them? What lessons learned?
Um, can I create a system of quantifying our individual successes? Can I invent a line of products that can make us feel more productive, chart our progress in any one facet of our lives? (I love lifting weights because I can see my physiological strength increasing on a weekly basis, when I can lift heavier dumbbells when I do curls or bench presses.) So, a product line like oversized pants that make us look fit, or petite, or IQ tests where our scores improve with each round of testing. Can I create a system to track our psychological development, like some magnetic emo-flow chart we can slap on our fridge?
How do we know if we're getting any better?
