"The unhappiness of not being happy."

So, a lot has happened since I started this thing (hence the huge silent pause after the few first submissions). Too much to even go into, but some thoughts for scheming had crossed my mind:

• to slip on ice (as I have already done) and sue the building owners to make some cash
• to have let that speeding police cruiser actually crash into me when he took a wide turn en route to a chase, and sue the city for damages (which I am pretty sure they don't pay out)
• to try to "make something of myself" and get my MBA in entrepreneurial studies (but that seemed like it would take some effort, so I crossed it off my list)
• to take a brief leave of absence from work, and have an adventure in another city (I guess that's more of a day dream than a scheme...)
• make a road trip documentary with my best friend Jules and sell it to some fun network, like logo ("tranny road show?")
• burn myself on McDonald's coffee, or find a finger tip in my chili at Wendy's (if only I drank coffee, or ate chili, plus it's not inventive enough. already been done. must stay ahead of the curve)

This all wreaks of desperation; of having to come up with an actual plan. Shit!

The ironic part is that I am actually quite good at "fixing" other people's issues (not in a sycophantic kind of way) ~ I studied Conflict Resolution back in the day. Yet, when it comes to my own junk, I feel dim-witted and slow. Why is it that our minds seem to be stuck in this tediously crawl when we wish we could figure it out already?

Patience, right?

I am reading Eric Weiner's book The Geography of Bliss, thinking maybe I'll find some jumping off point. (Or Eat, Pray, Love. Should I just follow everyone else's prescribed travel-to-find-enlightenment texts?) But there was a telling quote from the Geography book:

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere, doing something else, being someone else.

Huh, guess I'm not there yet.