work hard/pray hard. wha?

I think I am slowly coming to the conclusion that in order to know if we want what we have, we first need to deduce what exactly it is that we want.

I'm not religious at all, having been raised Roman Catholic, and basically expelled from the church for my heathen ways. (Like asking Mother Superior what the "H" in Jesus H. Christ stood for... I guess I can't blame them.) But I am learning the importance of being able to truly focus on what it is that we want out of this lives of ours.

I envy people that pray and earnestly believe that it will be delivered by a higher power. Or people who write down what they want in their day planners, and work to bring it to fruition. I don't know if praying makes things come "true" – but I fathom that the lack of knowing what we want makes it harder to know if we've got it.

There are parts of our lives that we have mastered. Maybe you are a master party planner, or make a mean peanut brittle. Or maybe you are an insane programmer, and think of everything in zeros and ones. But then there are other elements of our lives that still make us feel like fumbling three year olds, or raging in temper tantrums. Even the smartest of geniuses, most elegant of aristocracy, the most refined of statesmen all have their Achilles Heels, the shit they wished they handled better. How to we balance it all? How do we improve all of the facets of our lives simultaneously, like if we are super great at our career, but then sabotage our love life? Or vice versa.

How do we live most mindfully, and intentionally? How do we take responsibility to seek out all of the things we want, especially if we don't believe in some divine intervention?

I don't pray, but I understand the impulse to want to do so. I think my lack of *wishing* for certain things in my life has made it harder to find them. Sitting there wondering, "Well, why don't I have ____ in my life?" Right. Kinda like turning that frown upside-f'ing-down. Instead of asking myself "why don't I...?" – I guess that's why people say "I would like..." But is it really that easy?